I kinda feel the need to say…
- Dating doesn’t make you “entitled” to do whatever you’d like to your partner.
- Just because you would be okay with something doesn’t mean they would be. This is why communication is important, even with a one-night stand. (For example, I will knock you the fuck out if you even TRY to put handcuffs on me. You might like being tied up and unable to get away, but I don’t.)
- Men can be sexually assaulted too. And just because he got a boner doesn’t mean he wanted it (penises work in a funny way, unfortunately).
- It’s still rape if it was your friend, significant other, or spouse.
- It’s still rape if they “lead you on” before your force yourself on them (or if you “lead them on” before they forced themselves on you).
- It’s still rape if they were “dressed promiscuously.”
- It’s still rape if they didn’t say “no” because they were asleep, intoxicated, or had some other reason that they were unable to say “no.” This includes mental and physical disabilities. Since apparently that isn’t common sense.
- Sexual assaults happen more often between people who know each other (“friends”) than between strangers.
- "No" means "no."
- "Stop" means "no."
- "Don’t do that" means "no."
- If (s)he can’t speak, it means ”no.”
- And YOUR PARTNER CAN MASTURBATE IF “YOU LEAD THEM TO ‘THE POINT OF NO RETURN.’” I swear to God that is the most ridiculous manipulation attempt (and rape excuse) I have ever heard in my entire life. IF THERE’S A GOD (OR GODS), THAT’S WHAT HE/SHE/THEY GAVE YOU HANDS FOR. TOUCH YOUR OWN JUNK.
- If you have ever been raped, I am truly sorry. And it’s never too late to get help.
- If you ever become a victim of rape (which I hope none of you do, but statistically… Just in case…) go to the hospital immediately. Don’t take a shower or go to the bathroom (if you can help it) or anything. Keep the same clothes on (or bring them with you… Do not wash them…) and go to the hospital. They can often collect the person’s DNA if you take these steps to preserve it. And even if you don’t want to go to the police, they can save it for you just in case you change your mind. If going to the police isn’t something you feel you’ll EVER want to do, go to the doctor for the sake of your mental and physical health… Your abuser could seriously injure you (without you even knowing it). You could also become pregnant from rape and the hospital can provide you with emergency contraceptives to prevent that (as well as things to help prevent you from getting STDs from your abuser).
I’m posting this because rape is so common and because I know that so many people are ashamed when something like this happens to them. Even though it’s not their fault, at all. I also wanted to put this out there because the “definition of rape” is unknown by so many people. If you say “no” and they do it anyways, that’s rape. Period. I don’t care if you had his dick in your mouth 5 minutes ago… If you say “no” this time and he does it anyways, it’s rape. Guys, whether she’s attractive or not, whether you got an erection or not, whether she’s your girlfriend or not, if you didn’t want her doing it, it’s rape. Even if it felt a little good. And it’s not something for you to be ashamed of. And you absolutely should report it.
The National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1.800.656.HOPE. It’s completely confidential, they won’t report you or your rape or your abuser. They’re here to help you. Please take advantage of your resources… That’s what they’re there for.
I care about all of you and I’m here for each and every one of you. I want you to take care of yourselves. ♥ My ask box will always be open for any of you, anon or not (though it may take me a short while to respond). I’m sending hugs and happy thoughts to all of you.